see; until it all disappears

The good old ones never fail to put a smile on your face

2009-09-06T00:21:00.000-07:00

Life's been a little hectic since I came back from Gen Ting, first we need loads of rest cause of the accumulated fatigue we had during the exams, & of course preparing ourselves for the upcoming 6 months of attachment. But that does not mean we neglect the 'good old ones' (well, i admit i'd kinda did till SW was a little pissy on the phone when I told her i wasn't free but of course she has every right to be pissy with me; sorry mei).

I was so happy to see Chney! hehehe & poor thing she has a 'balaku' on her cheeeek! & at first sight I still thought she kena punch okay! Hahaha, & what i like about the ' good old ones' is that you just have that connection immediately when you see them & start pouring down your life stories to them one by one, and they being all so excited & cute just makes me so happy, it's like finally seeing your sisters after a long time and then gossip gossip & gosssssssippppppppppppppy!

then Jodie baby came a lil late, but she seems stress with her work! Jia you Jia you! We're always behind you, & I'm still waiting for our one day 'date' together again! WAFFFFLES! :D

Soon after, their boyfriends came to put them up, & i had my 'best friend' coming too :P hahaha. The feeling is just so great, it's like seeing each other all grown up. I still rememeber how we made the pack during secondary school days, predicting how our future 'bfs' would be, making fun of each other, pinpointing who would have a 'bf' first & who last; & who would be the slut, etc. Okay tears are welling in my eyes now, it's not because I'm sad but it's because I'm just happy of what we are & what we have today.

& the fact that we stood by each other, until now.
7 years and counting!

Myself & my 'best friend'
Xiao Wei & Sanji

Shamine & Samuel

I super love this picture! Of course it was taken by my one & only photographer, JP!
& leee jia ying pangsei us!

Okay off day for this week: Tuesday and Sunday, other than that, I'm working 5days a week, midshift;1230pm - 1030pm! & I need to work my bimbo brain by monday; I need to memorise bus routes & facts about Accor!
Looking forward to work tmrw!

& to my loyal readers, I WILL BLOG MORE FROM NOW ON; I SEE IT AS A WAY TO IMPROVE MY BAD ENGLISH!
xx

Just Try

2009-09-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

I try to understand people around me as well as I can, but sometimes I think there are just some things i just don't get. I will be there for you like you guys were for me in and past and obviously still here for me now, but i need time to learn, develop & fix myself. I need the motivation & encouragement to do something I've never done before, and pasts are pasts, sometimes they may haunt you again & again;

but maybe the Lord decides to give those a chance to change, & then maybe everything will just start to fall into place. There's a fine line between love & friendship, if you know me well enough, you'll know how i deal with it;

& obviously I'll never forget the times when yous took care of me carrying heavy bags filled with groceries, or cleaning the nasty stained skirt of mine.
x

Attacement starts tmrw

2009-08-31T09:20:00.000-07:00

so attachment is starting tmrw, and i'm gonna miss going to school, and seeing all the wonderful peeps out there!

"we had our holidays, our slack times, our fun times, our me-and-yous times, & now it's time to work our arse off, FULL FORCE!"

you know how to appreciate me,
I'm must stick with you my baby,
no body ever made me feel this way,
I must stick with you.
xx

What is Love, Really?

2009-08-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

I have been in & out of love many times, been through all the heart aches, the adrenaline rushes, the tears, the queezy feeling in my tummy, the flattering moments; and of course the unforgettable ones.

But what is Love, really?
I have yet to learn of the words commitment, faithfulness, thoughtfulness, let alone being romantic. My friend once told me, it's better to love and be hurt, then never loved at all. But seriously, I still feel I'm such a noob in it, I don't know where to start.
I know love holds no boundaries, like love will look pass the issue of different backgrounds, lifestyles, status, & of course, race; but when you really come to think of it, it's not as easy as it seems. Many of my friends have been through relationships and they all looked simple, and fairytale like, but somehow a part of me still fear.

Then again, fear is the heart of love, isn't it?
I've been busy searching for love, that I failed to notice, it was right in front of me, all this while.
Honestly, I think I'm one of the hardest persons to love & to take care of, I fear for you.
3 words, 8 letters, say it like you mean it; & I'm yours. x

2009-08-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my 2 baby cousins, it tells a thousand words, doesn't it?
I miss my cousins, & granny.
xx

House

2009-08-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

so this is the first time in many months that I've stayed home for 2 days, consecutive.
& oh, Girly "I've got a secret to tell you."

2009-08-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

So it started with us not choosing what parents we want/choose to have, & of course, what land we'll be born in. & obviously we grew up learning the language & mother tongue our household speaks, & then we move on to making friends with strangers would looked and seemed different from us. I'm glad I grew up here in Singapore, a place that only today I'll sincerely call home.

I guess the influx of the different races coming together in one small island, is one of the reason why I love Singapore, based on the fact that other countries are having internal conflicts with their own countrymen, and us, living regardless of our race, language or religion, in harmony is something to be proud of, isn't it? Perhaps I'm just glad that my great grandparents chose Singapore as a fine city for my grandparents to live in; being successful survivors with the help of a Chinese family who picked them up along the way when they had no shelter, no money, no food, no home to live in. They probably have left this world by now, but they'll always be in my parents' and grandparents heart, & are the reason why my family exist today.

I was watching the National Day Parade earlier on, & this year's seemed simple, & the usage of water works simply made it worthwhile viewing. No doubt, it's clear that the floating platform is way smaller in displaying their performances as compared to the previous years, somehow the "Singapore" feel only touched me this year. Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm finally aware of the hard efforts the performers put in, let alone the planning of this event. I'm glad I had taken up a module called SeFest, that allowed me to somehow get a taste of the behind-the-scenes happenings as well as being a patriotic Singaporean, asking Singaporeans to recite the pledge as of today, 8:22pm.

The celebration accompanied with the theme Song, What Do You See, sang by Electrico, is something to appreciate; it's just original and different from most of the National Day theme songs, that are usually, cheezy in a way. I thought this year brings us with the best National Day song, ever.

I particularly liked the part where they had they're so called breaking news, attending to the terrorist attack, chapter 3. The fire engines, soldiers, and news forecaster were pretty cool. & the fact that many handicapped young artists got a chance to perform on that floating platform is something to be inspired at.

Someday, I wish & hope to sing on this amazing day, reaching out to all Singaporeans, delivering to each and evert heart out there, touching every soul be it within or outside this country; saying,
"Thank God, I was born, thank God i was born here; on this lil island I call, Home."

Happy 44th, Singapore.
xxx

Singapore, it's your birthday

2009-08-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 44TH, SINGAPORE!

SAY THE SINGAPORE PLEDGE WITH US, ON THE 9TH OF AUGUST, @ 8:22PM!

"random thought"

2009-08-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

it's tough liking someone; & it's even tougher trying to like someone.
no wonder Rain rejected Megan Fox, someone who's way hotter than he is, i figured.
& at one point of time, I thought he might be insane, but today i realized, he's just not shallow.

Being alone beats being with someone you might just feel awkward with.
just a thought; a random thought.
xx

Life Changing Moments by Jodie Pang

2009-08-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

location: Mac Ritchie Reservoir

As much as i try not to be that close to an animal, i guess its just so hard when you see this cute lil furball running towards you most of the time.
too bad she cant be sleeping with me; since rash developed on my cheeks. :/

exams are coming, and study breaks are starting;
we all need the motivation dont we,
novena starbucks, you're going to be my second home again!
xxx

"That taste is just so familiar"

2009-07-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

I guess the mornings in Sinagpore cant be compared to those in Europe. Was looking through fb pics & realize how fast time flies. Just like a few mths ago, we were there & now, we're nearing our last few days in NYP, heading towards the attachment period. To be exact, next wed will be our last official day in NYP,there's no reason why we'll miss being the amssadors of Gloria's. Gloria Jeans. & the DISH-NESS.

so CRM down, DS and RD next. & then, the papers :/

on a side note:
I was tramatized when i heard this lil girl, around the age of say, 3+ say "f" 5 times in a row, as she watches her young "papa" play some car game on his phone. What are young parents teaching their kids these days? To be a duplicate of them? I hope that kid will one day have a chance to have a bright future of her own.

brings back the memories, oh-so-fresh.
xxx

Compose yourself :)

2009-07-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

and she said,
" good & bad things happen simultaneously at the same time, it's how you look at it. At some point of time, you realize, the good things, will be good enough to overcome the bad things."

I guess its just how you look at it. Learn to compose one's self.

thanks for the sunflower, NKP
xx

School is the Best place on earth.

2009-07-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

you guys are what i wake up to'

"When you realise, the only person who will make your dreams come true, is; yourself."

2009-07-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

It takes alot of effort, courage, motivation, fear, fatigue, energy, expectations, sacrifices, passion, hope & encouragement to do something you really want to achieve, to make them proud.
& when you've done it, you finally ask yourself, was it worth it, was it all worthwhile?

And then you realize, every time you speak about them, you just tear, you get depressed talking about them, you fear that you're not good enough to start with, you come close to the fact that, you don't have that necessary encouragement you should have, the support that most young individuals will have, from home.

I may never be that perfect daughter you want me to be, I may never be that top student you want me to be, I may not even get into a Uni in Singapore, I may not earn as much as you think i might be earning in future, I may not marry the man you want me to marry, I may not live with you forever, I may not be as successful as all my other cousins, I will not be a brain Sergeon nor a teacher in any case,

But I'm still your daughter,

If only you both will understand how well I try to perform in school, how well I try to be an all-rounded student, how hard I try, to be, a human that' someday, you both'd be proud of.
love me like how you love them.
xx

"The need to control one's temper"

2009-06-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

One too many times, we don't think before we react, and after we really do process it in our minds, it's too late. We tend to realise what we've done was a huge mistake, a huge regret, and sometimes, even somethings that could change our lives from that very day we've conducted that stupid act, but guess what, it's way too late to rewind it back. And so we really try to change, to think before we react, and be more cautious of the way we speak, but dont you find it abit too hard, like your action are totally controlled your mind, or maybe you're mind could not react as fast (being in a bimbo's shoes) & you just feel the need to be heated up.

And oh, after like 2 hrs, you forgotten what has happened, and when you get reminded of it, you ask yourself, "am i just dumb, or dumb?"

well, i guess at the end of the day, you've got just that friend, who told you how wonderful you are, & maybe just something like that can make me comprehend more things in life; ty K.

& also, never to jump into conclusions with the beings & their reactions you see surrounding yourself, cus for all you know, they might be feeling the same way you are feeling;

and 2 hrs later, they ask themselves, "am i dumb, or dumb?"

"Breathe, just a little."

2009-06-10T05:34:00.000-07:00

& i cant comprehend how fickle minded they can get; maybe i was the cause of it. So one minute you gain complete trust of this 2 human beings that made you, to venture life; and everything was fine, & just one incident, one small incident, without you having the intention to cause it, can break that trust you've been building for oh -so -long.

or you're trying to please every single soul out there, making them feel belonged, making them feel how special they are to you. But eventually, it comes to a point where you just stop giving you're 100%, because you have no more energy left, no more motivation, no more strength to continue. & maybe that someone special pops by, just when the time was right, & when you're just falling deeper and being close to that someone, the world realizes the change, crashes and forbids you're happiness. & that's the part when you've finally realised, how you've neglected the rest, their feelings & emotions, their presence, & merely the fact that they were there for you since forever, & you're slowly starting to disappear and vanish, but you didn't mean any harm in the first place.

or even trying to help a young soul, who's been trapped in that little nest for far too long, deciding its time to venture and be exposed to the outer world, and its only possible, with your help. & the fact that you try & try & try to be there, but under some circumstances, you just cant, leaving that little soul alone yet again, wondering if she'd ever turn to become someone immune, in the years to come. You fear for her, & you dont know where to begin.

and then you start feeling all these different emotions coming into you at one go, you slowly lose your temper at that once, saying things you don't actually mean or have the intention to cause any harm, & the fact that you realise you're slowly becoming your old self, makes you want to tear yourself down into a thousand pieces, and maybe go somewhere far, somewhere, where feelings dont exist.

knowing the fact that, you've arrived to you're little nest, closing you're eyes and sleeping everything away, but just when you knew it, it was her, her car, and my bro giggling like they were riding from one end of the rainbow to another; i could not acknowledge no more, I just could not look at it from the same perspective as it was before, they're just the last things i ever want to see to end my day, i rest my case.
xxx

Just a thought,

2009-06-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

its not all about being good enough & coming out with reasons why you're not good enough. I guess its accepting the fact that in order for one to be successful, one have to take each and every critisms to the test, and take every single comments & opinions as a challenge I will not end just here, not right now.

reasons are there for a reason.

cheers to you, espall; this may be the 3rd major downfall since your return, but something/someone/some faith/ some luck, will show, if i believe.

xxx

It's my turn, to fix you.

2009-06-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

It's when you know, despite all that we've been through, the many moments of insecurities we've been facing; the stress, opinions & comments, being down right afraid of the slightest things, feeling we're never too good enough, & all that seems to slowly lighten & eventually fade away, when you realise you're not just alone, there's someone with you, feeling the very same way.

I wake up to your calls, thank God for them; hearing the sincerity in your voice; i would want to live more than just 31 year(at least) if i could, & I would knowing I have found a friend like you, who will take care of me, & fix me. I would look forward to living the 31 years(at least) filled with joy & your silly laughters; & on top of that remembering every single bit of bimbo-ness you portray and try and store them in my head, at the very least. So, I would want you to live with me for as long as we can survive in this world, you're possibly the last person i want to see; before everything else disappears.

I couldn't be more than happy to have someone like you beside me, ironically also reasoning the reasons why we should stay away from each other, whist the passerbys see us as one whole, asking me where my other half went; when you weren't with me. It's only now that i realise, the world is being to see us, always together.

I thank you for the moments where your sixth sense tells you how emotional i felt, & although you're physically not with me, you successfully made you're presence felt. Now that i'm well and back on track, knowing the fact that its' my other half's turn to go out of track, I'll fix you, i will.

I love you, my bitch.
xxx

2009-06-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

♥
Too afraid to try, yet again.
Afraid to explore, that something new.
I need more encouragement;
More faith, accompanied with fate.
xxx

2009-05-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

REST WELL, MY LITTLE SUNSHINE,Girly♥
& so the loss isn't hitting me really hard right now, my only weakness is that i cant be alone in my room, or I'll feel so alone. So long I'm outside seeing humans or leaves of plants shaking, I'm fine.

"I keep you're soul in my heart, & I'll never be done loving you; sleep well my little sunshine, Girly. It's time you meet Samuel & Samantha,up in the heavens, they've been waiting patiently for you."

To all my friends, & bitches
thank you for coming down at the weirdest hours of the day, even reaching the vet before the owner did; my sisters; especially Jie. You guys are the reason why I'm coping so well, so don't worry so much yeah, i appreciate all the texts coming in, really.
& to think that Girly brought Joy to so many people's lives, hurts me even more. But she'll always be with us, our little sunshine.
& thank you to you; my sweetest little thing, last night really did cheer my up
cheers to many years of friendship.
xx

2009-05-28T02:28:00.000-07:00

all my life i felt i needed a human beside me, i was dependent on Jay. But since i had you, i realise how much a dog can fit in to my life in whatever insecurities i needed when im alone, afraid, upset, or even sleeping in the dark. 4 years ago, i remembered daddy bringing home a box, and what i found inside it, was you. & i had my GCE O level chinese paper the next day, and i was so nervous about it, but that very night, you laid on my thighs; for the first time, i felt i was not alone in this world, i was not afraid of the open-air darkness at the back kitchen, i studied till morning, with my heart at ease.
I miss the smell of you paws; i wanna see you now, can it be 7 already?
i will go at the end of the earth for you, to make you feel my love
xxx

2009-05-28T02:04:00.000-07:00

& so the doctor said she has jaundice, bladder & liver failure. Her eyeballs, skin & teeth are already very yellow. She gave me 2 options, either Girly goes through ultra-sound treatment, but if she cant take the shock that her fragile body has to endure, she might leave me soon enough; or i could leave her at the vet for 2 days and if she has no steady progress, she'll be put to sleep to end the suffering.
And i cant visit her now, but only at 7. why do I have this thinking she'll leave me without saying goodbye? My head is telling me things but my heart fails to understand. My brother ring me a moment ago saying that even if she has to go through ultra-shock, she'll feel so much pain, & whats the point of making her suffer? I know I have to let her go; but not so soon.
Girly, mommy wants to hold you in her arms as much as you want to feel mommy's love but please hold on, until i get there at least.
If you're listening up there, guide me today, for it is the first time in my life, I'm feeling so much pain.
xxx

2009-05-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

so im sitting here, not knowing what to do waiting for the doctor to call me, deciding not to jump into any conclusions that might hurt myself any further. I know, its not that simple as being diagnosed with jaundice for the matter. She's on drips, hospitalized, and i have no idea how long with she be there; and how long she can live. If you so happen to read this, pray for my dog, Girly.
Cause ever since she stepped into my life, ive never felt lonely for the past 4 years. I've lived each day with Joy and Happiness. The last thing i ever want to lose is her;
cause im not done loving you, Girly.
xxx

2009-05-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

ROSE; YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE FLOWER.

sometimes, all you need is someone to hold your hand, wipe those tears, knock some sense into you with driven insanity; support every single passion inside of you; tell only the truth without faking a smile, loving you,
you're my inspirational passionate angel.
It was you that made a difference in all aspects of my life.

Cause you'll never leave. iknow
xxx

2009-05-24T03:11:00.000-07:00

First Love By Adele

So little to say
But so much time
Despite my empty mouth
The words are in my mind
Please wear the face
The one where you smile
Because you
Lighten up my heart
When I start to cry

Forgive me first love
But I'm tired
I need to get away
To feel again
Try to understand why
Don't get so close
To change my mind
Please wipe that look
Out of your eyes
It's bribing me
To doubt myself
Simply, it's tiring

This love has dried up
And stayed behind
And if I stay
I'll be alive
Then choke on words
I'd always hide
Excuse me first love
But we're through
I need to taste the kiss
From someone new

Forgive me first love
But I'm too tired
I'm bored to say
The least and I
Forgive me first love
Forgive me
Forgive me first love

There are some things, you still don't know;
we're gone forever.
xx

cheers to all the love in the world♥

2009-05-24T02:39:00.000-07:00

see, until it all disappears.
it's just a matter of time.

xx